Until a few years ago I used to believe it was 'sad' to do something on your own. To explain that, there was a mentality, that probably started in high school, that if you went off and did something on your own then you didn't have friends. For example, if you decided to go to a concert on your own then there was something wrong with you. You had "no mates" and no one wanted to spend time with you. Therefore, myself, and I am sure a great many people just didn't do things we liked on our own.
It was okay if you liked the same things as all your pals. It wasn't if you didn't. I had a group of friends in my teen years that were influenced by one girl, well the girls were the boys just wanted to know about football. Anyway, if this one girl, K, thought what you did was a bit odd then everyone else was expected to find it odd. Which, of course, they did. This led to me hiding doing something that I really enjoyed doing.
I was reading and reviewing teen fiction books at the time. I really enjoyed it, I loved reading and I loved that I could review a book and that others would read that review. It didn't really matter to me whether they took heed of that review or not, I was just interested in reading the books and giving other potential readers an opinion. I also loved reading others opinion. I'd also progressed onto general fiction that wasn't teen-focused, I had progressed around the shelves in the library and moved on from teen-fiction to the genres aimed at those older than me. I was all into family sagas in those days. Danielle Steele, Virginia Andrews. Anything really. I was feeling my way out into what genres I liked as an avid reader.
One day my friend C came around. I hadn't been expecting her. We went into my bedroom and sat down just chatting. We were all meeting up later in the evening so I wasn't sure why she was here. Then she suddenly became uncomfortable. She was literally squirming in her seat. She suddenly said, 'do you read books and then write reviews?'
The moment she said it I knew she had been "put up to it". I knew that if I said 'yes' it wouldn't go well for me. I'd be questioned on it, not by her, but by K and it would be used as an object of ridicule. So, and I was ashamed of it then, I said that 'no' and I didn't know where she'd heard that. I said I wasn't even that interested in reading.
In the months that followed I actually felt myself withdrawing from that friendship group and becoming more friendly with a neighbour along the street who also enjoyed reading. We were of similar age. We were into the same books. At that time as child members of the library we could only get a small amount of books out each, so she got some and I got some and we spent our down time reading them. Both of us of us loved reading books so much that we could read series of books in a couple of weeks.
The world of work opened my eyes to how much people read books and to do so wasn't seen as something wrong to admit. I started working part-time while at school at an age that's un-thinkable now. I met adults who read in their spare time. Not only that, they read on their breaks, on the bus to and from work or wherever they were going. Reading was a massive part of their lives. I got talking to them and they were reading the same things I was moving into. It was liberating.
I was able to shrug off the idea that reading a book was uncool. I started to embrace the idea that I loved books and it was okay to do that. It was okay to read a book in my own time wherever I wanted and whenever I wanted. It was not okay for anyone to tell me otherwise or make fun of me for that. The peer pressure was off on that one.
However, the idea that doing something on your own was seen as 'sad' continued to haunt me into later in my life.
As a season ticket holder at my beloved Hibernian, I had to move seats (my choice). I had to move on my own. I would be attending games on my own for a while. That niggle set in. What would people think if I just went alone? Isn't it 'sad' to go on your own? Actually, it's not 'sad' to go on your own. It's an amazing thing. I picked a ticket and bought it. I went to the end of aisle so that I wouldn't have to disrupt everyone if I simply needed a pee. I wanted to ease myself into going again. I bought seat tickets it for the first little while, met incredible people and made that seat my season ticket seat. I met a group of people who I only met up with there on match days. Amazing people and made my match day wonderful. It was then that I realised that all the aspects of my life could be in different categories and they didn't all have to marry up for me to be happy. I didn't have to be friends with everyone in everything that I did.
This was a lesson for me in life. I do what I want to do and if I have different groups of people for doing all of that then, that's what it is. I also learned that I can do a lot on my own as well. I don't have to miss out on something if my friends are not interested. If I am interested then I do it.
I've joined a bookclub lately. It's run by the local library. I'm not keen on those that meet in each others homes and get boozy. My home is my place. This group meets in the local library and is tea and coffee. We discuss the book just read. Sometimes the conversation wanders, the hour is up and we're having to pick our new book. The group is just perfect for me. It's all age groups, it's all opinions, we don't have to keep in touch between meeting dates.
This is how life should be. If you are feeling a bit stressed in life, perhaps look at all the aspects of life marry into each other and if they need to. If you just want to talk books, maybe the library book clubs are worth looking into.
The main idea of this blog is that we can do what we want and we don't need to validate it by having someone by our sides. If you want to go and see a film, go and see that film. If you want to watch a show in a theatre, just do it. If you want to eat in a fancy restaurant, book that table and go and enjoy it. Take a book to read, or a game to play on whatever device you want. If you fancy a McDonalds, go and have it, ignore what people write about their meals. You like a McDonalds? Then you like a McDonalds. There is no one on this earth that can take the mockery out of you for doing what you want. (And that's just an example of how people treat people who like to eat at takeaway restaurants).
This is a lesson I have learned and I like it. If I want a meal out and no one else does, then off I go and I book it and I love it. I take the book I am free to read without ridicule. I can relax knowing that there is no obligation on me but to have that meal out.
I think it's really important to do what you like. It's not for everyone. Many people need others and that is fine. The important thing is to listen to what you want. If you want to go to a film then look at where it is and what you need to do to get there and plan it. Personally, I prefer going to the cinema on my own. That means there is no obligation on me to stay if I don't like the film, and I'm also free to enjoy the film without worrying that anyone else is not enjoying it. Before it and after it I can do what I like.
There is a stigma of doing things on your own and worrying about what others think that does exist. It shouldn't. I have found out that sometimes I have the best time when I am just on my own. I can relax. I can just be on my own and I enjoy that time with myself.
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